So I have kept this in for a few weeks, but I wanted to get it off my chest, because it made me really, deeply angry. I was having breakfast with my kids at outdoor seating at a local breakfast joint, as we tend to do, so we are less disturbing to others as we talk and laugh and carry on. I tend to be especially affectionate with my kids. We often hug, kiss, and express our love for one another openly.
There have been times when people have come up as they are leaving and note how fantastic it is that we have such an obvious loving relationship, how well-behaved my boys are, and that we do each other a service in our familial relationship. It’s true: my boys and I both benefit deeply from the affection and respect that we share for each other. It is a gift that I treasure, this relationship.
At any rate, I wanted to get on WiFi at this place to upload one of our Saturday Selfies that we do, and it required a password from the establishment. I decided the easiest thing to do was to leave my 9 and 6 year olds at the table, step inside the restaurant and ask for the password. I was not concerned in the least, because the windows in this place make it very easy to see what is going on outside at all times, and I never lost track of them. I noticed that the couple next to us at breakfast was talking to my boys as they were leaving, and I came back out to see what was at issue, if anything. The couple had already packed up and were on their way back to their car when I got back to the table.
When I asked what exchanged when I was inside, my oldest said that the gentleman said that “If anyone ever touches you, kids, tell your teacher.” He said it was strange, and that he wasn’t sure why the man had said it. I calmly replied that it was good advice to share any odd behavior from adults with other adults, like their parents or other authorities, and that the man was likely just being helpful. I thanked them for telling me about the couple’s behavior, for instance, and that I always want to know if anyone ever says anything odd or out-of-place to them. I scanned the lot to see if they were still around because I’d have loved to have had a word with the couple myself, but it was probably for the best that they were already gone.
But it was clear that the couple had misinterpreted my open affection with my kids as a hint at parental pedophilia. I don’t know that if I was abusing my children that I’d be so bold as to hint at it in public. I suppose I should be grateful that others are looking out for my children, but are we so deeply conservative in our society that my actions could even be interpreted as anything but love between father and sons? I will say this: I refuse to be less affectionate to my children out of fear of its misinterpretation, and instead hope that we can socially stop jumping to conclusions about what someone’s intentions are simply because their own experiences, perhaps a more conservative parental relationship, differ from mine with my sons.
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Good for you, John. I believe boys need more affection which cultivates empathy. Your boys will be better men as a result of your parenting!
Thanks, Donna! They are on their way to being fine young men, and I’m very proud of them, deeply so.
AMEN and well written. As a dad of two young girls with a similar loving relationship, I have yet to encounter this – but I will be ready if it happens. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks for the kind comment and the encouragement, Ben.